Our children's mental health

Do our kids need mental breaks from reality every now and then? I didn't really think anything about the fact that kinds might need a mental health day, until recently. Both my kids are pretty awesome. Clay is fairly chill with most stuff rolling off his back...occasional attitude but hey-hes almost 14. And then there is Booger who is a smart kid, involved in ACE/GSP (gifted programs), Scouts, Soccer, Lego League and generally an all around decent fun kid who is pleasant to be around. Why on earth would he need a mental health day? What about his life is so stressing?? I manage to go to work, take graduate classes, coach his soccer team and serve on the scout committee...why can't he. He's just a kid-he doesn't have to worry about much-or does he?

I was really wrong in my assessment of my son. The reality is that Booger needs a break. Lately, he crumbles at the simplest sign of stress or demand. It all sort of started last week...oddly enough while he was on spring break. He didn't really have to all that much to do while on spring break but come Saturday morning when we had to be at the soccer field at 8 am he started melting down into a frustrated rage-at the time I blamed this on his lack of sleep. That attitude continued well into the afternoon...which resulted in a friend having to go spend the night at another friends house because he could NOT check his attitude and get himself under control-this I wasn't sure how to address. He was having repeated attitude problems which at the time I continued to chalk up to a lack of sleep across two evenings. Needless to say he settled by the evening (after some much needed R&R in his room) and was seemingly back to his normal self. Then we get to Monday. He fell apart all over again. He LOVES being a goalie, however, he isn't perfect at it (which I would not ever expect). After missing a few practice shots and getting heckled by his peers he flew into a tantrum which resulted in him being kicked off the field. Then he went to scouts immediately following soccer and was told he sucked at everything including being a goalie...several of the kids on the soccer team are in scouts too. So we move forward to Wednesday...another practice where he falls apart. After kicking him off the field for another tantrum we discussed what was going on with him during the trip home.

It wasn't until the conversation on the trip home that he revealed he is being told he is dumb by his classmates for giving an incorrect answer. Being harassed on the soccer field for his missing shots on the goal, and just generally feeling overwhelmed because FCATs start next week too. Needless to say he came home "sick" from school on Thursday with claims of an ear ache. We will simply call this a mental health day. He wasn't sick...he needed a break. I pretty much boiled it down to this when he called me upset that dad yelled at him about needing to be careful...his words were "I feel worthless." As a mom this breaks my heart!! I didn't know what to say-I told him he should just chill out and go watch some cartoons.

So to bring my going on to a point. It is becoming more and more obvious that our kids simply need a break-they are entitled to a mental health day! Not a spring break but a break. A day when we as parents do not place high expectations on them to produce straight A's...or to be the best at something, when there is no school work, no sports, no extra curricular activities. We used to call these days the weekend, however, with everything we cram into a weekend they no longer exist as a time of the week to relax and chill out. So now when is the best time to just let them veg out? We run them ragged trying to be the soccer star, the academic scholar, the Eagle Scout...I think they just need to veg. We as parents place stress on them without realizing it, teachers place stress on them, coaches and society in general. So what is the balance? Do we listen to our kids, do they even know how to tell us they are overwhelmed because they really do want to play soccer and they want to be in scouts and they really love lego league and and and? Do we as parents put limitations in place for them...force what we perceive to be the appropriate boundaries on their schedules?? Or do we take a backseat approach and allow them to figure it for themselves while we attempt to whisper our suggestions in their ear? I suppose it really boils down to a fine balance...letting our kids know we think it might be too much for them but allowing them to experience the things they enjoy.

As a get through this time with my son I worry about the pressure we are putting on our children...can they handle it? Are we doing this to prepare them for the multitasking we do as part of life everyday? Are we creating an army of people who must be the best and do EVERYTHING?? Are we creating a bunch of overachievers who are risking their mental health to accomplish everything and more?

What do you think??

Apologize for being MIA

So I went back and looked at my blog and discovered that I haven't blogged in almost a YEAR! Like WOW how time flies. So not much has changed really. Our niece has moved back in with her parents-which is where she wants to be-we wish her nothing but happiness and a life full of love.

The boys are growing like weeds...speaking of weeds. What is the appropriate reaction to discovering pictures of marijuana leaves and other marijuana related images on your teens cell phone? Let's be clear-none of them indicated he was smoking the stuff but there were about 12 in all. Well here is how I reacted-I FLIPPED OUT!! I took away his cell phone and grounded him for a week...and then I called his friends mother and informed her of the story my son told me--which was I didn't take them-so and so added them to my phone, blah blah blah. Remember this is my son who has been known to tell some whoppers now and then. He is finally getting his cell phone back after two weeks (one of which was the week of spring vacation) and he is overjoyed. Has he learned his lesson-I don't know. I guess time will tell.

As for Booger he is alive and well...he had a couple of nuclear meltdowns over the weekend which I believe more than anything were related to his lack of sleep and pure video game withdraws than his not processing the situation at hand.

Well that is all I have for now. Life continues on...soccer practice, boy scouts, and graduate school. I will try to be more diligent about posting more frequently.

Love to all!!